Jack Flak

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I Loved Her First

I've been suffering, deeply, inside today.

There was this wedding over the weekend, and in some respects, I didn't show up. OK, I was there, it was my daughter Jorden's wedding. Now, 48 hrs later, I've got some real regrets. It was absolutely beautiful. It was outside, the weather was perfect, the setting was stunning. The vows were said with perfection. The sun, and then the moon, took your breath away. It was pure Texas.

Jorden wasn't just cute that day, she was gorgeous. I'll tell you a secret: I don't know exactly how girls think about these things, but guys judge on a scale of 1- 12, not 1-10. A '10' is pretty darn good. But when you see spot a '12' you're telling the other guys that the scale is broke, this one is off the register. Most Hollywood types are 'fake-8's', they can never go higher on the scale. They're ok of course, but a fake-8 is a robot with money and an agent. A 'Texas 12' on the other hand is the definition of a pure and natural beauty. Usually, she drives an older model car or truck. Usually, she doesn't come from money. Usually, she uses a minimum amount of make-up. Usually, she likes to work hard in the sun and has a big nasty but friendly dog (or two). Usually, she's a bit of a loner but very social. Usually she wears ragged-out blue jeans. Usually she prefers to eat on the hot patio and not inside with the air conditioning. Usually she's a conservative who loves the USA. Usually she's modest to a fault. Usually, a 12 doesn't need to prove anything to anyone. A 'Texas 12' doesn't compete in beauty contests because they don't have the desire to be loved by everyone - but if they did - the world would be embarrassed by the shameful winners that went before them. A '12' is the complete package.

Jorden's a Texas 12. Her sister Hollen is another Texas 12.

So what is my regret? I loved her first. And I didn't remind her or her husband and everyone there, that it was me - who loved her first. I wanted to pick up the mic and take just 2 minutes to remind her, and him, that I Loved Her First. But I didn't.

But, since I have a blog ...... Jeremy:

"I was enough for her not long ago. I was her #1, she told me so. And she still means the world to me just so you know, so be careful when you hold my girl. Time changes everything, life must go on, and I'm not gonna stand in your way.... but I loved her first. I held her first. And a place in my heart will always be hers. From the first breath she breathed, when she first smiled at me, I knew the love of a father runs deep. And I prayed that she'd find you someday, but its still hard to give her away. I loved her first."

Have fun in Mexico Jorden and Jeremy. And don't forget, I loved her first.

A Matter of Perspective

People really do have different points of view, different perspectives on life. This confuses me sometimes, why doesn't everyone agree with my point of view, my ideas, my opinions.

Particularly around core beliefs - about God, the universe, our existence, and politics. But then I try to put it into perspective. We all come from different places, and times, and experiences. As Hemingway said: "we are products of our life experiences". What he didn't say - is that we can change.

Ever skydive? Dina and I did once. We were sitting at breakfast one morning in Oahu, there was a brochure, there was a free day ahead, there wasn't enough sleep. So I made the call for the 2 of us, and within an hour we were in a van headed toward the North Shore of Hawaii. In the van, they made us sign a stack of papers, lots of legal jibberish about not holding them responsible for any 'incidents', and little stuff like that.

This picture is one I took while free-falling from 14,000 ft. over the crashing North Shore surf. My perspective of Hawaii was different from this angle - image that? My perspective of a lot of things was different, like: how slowly you seem to fall - things sorta stay still for awhile; and when the chute opens, it doesn't really jolt you back like I thought it would; and how much faith jumpers put in a small number of ropes attached to a piece of silk. More importantly, I was surprised at how happy I was, when I landed on both legs, to be alive.

We never thought we would ever skydive, but now we're glad we did (particularly over Hawaii) - we experienced something new and different, and our perspectives changed. It's even prettier from the sky - you can smell the ocean at high altitude, you can see the reefs and the water color is more vivid from up there, and no matter how hot it is on the beach - it's cold outside at 14,000 feet when you're moving fast.

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I'm reminded that our perspectives, as believers, should be different from others. We're living in a foreign land, as aliens. Regardless of our upbringing - our life experience - we should try to take a perspective as new creatures. In Colossians we're told to not let anyone 'capture you with empty philosophies and high-sounding nonsense that come from human thinking and from the spiritual powers of this world, rather than from Christ'. Good advice and a good reminder (that some of us need daily).

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Stay away from those empty ideas and the complete non-sense of the world. We need to keep a Christ-like perspective on everything we do, and guard ourselves against the world we live in. Simple thought, I know. Nothing too earth shattering. Yet, do we do it?

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Start looking at things differently.

Kahlua & Me (2)

Every Saturday morning we go garage sailing. Unlike the old days, now, we rarely buy anything. We focus on 'estate sales', but occasionally will stop at a couple of old fashioned garage sales to see if there's a gem in there somewhere.

I just KNOW someday I'll be the one who finds that original Picasso someone is unknowingly selling for $5.

One of my favorite finds is a good quality stuffed animal that some little kid has grown tired of (or more likely, some mom has grown tired of). If it looks new and nice and fluffy, and cheap ($1 is my limit) - I'll get it. For Kahlua. Gund is best. Gund with something that makes noise inside is even better. I'm not proud either - if it's fancy and new and has a high price tag - I offer a $1 - and I always get what I want. People just can't seem to get rid of those stuffed animals fast enough. If it looks like some little kid dripped some snot on it one night - its not good enough for Kahlua - it needs to be pristine.

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See, Kahlua is waiting at home every Saturday morning. Patiently waiting for mom and dad. And now, it's like he knows we just might come home at about 11 am with a new stuffed animal for him. He lives for it. He loves it - and because he loves it and is so reasonable about it - he gets it. After all, he's my boy and demands nothing of me really - it's the very least I can do for someone so loyal.

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This past Saturday we found a good one. It's a little duck, and it says a prayer when Kahlua bites into it. They recorded a little girl, with the sweetest voice, praying: 'now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep, if I ........ Amen". It's awesome. Now, normally he would find the 'toy' inside within minutes and detach the pesky noise making device - like a surgeon removing a kidney - he surgically removes the thing inside without really doing too much damage to the rest of the animal. He'd make a good doctor.

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But Kahlua likes this little girls voice - and the prayer. It's funny, he seems to find solace and rest in the comforting words and the tone of the little girls voice. It's been a week now, and the 'toy' is still inside. He'll grab the duck and squeeze, it prays, and he looks up at me as if to say - "isn't this nice - doesn't it feel good dad - doesn't it sound peaceful?" I say ya - that's nice - I like it too!

Then he puts it down, does his other stuff, and every now and then he'll just chomp down on the duck to hear it pray - look at me - smile - and move on.

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There's something about this dog.

Iditarod and Eagles

A few years ago, me and a couple of my buddies went up to Alaska to watch the Iditarod - The Greatest Race on Earth. There's nothing tougher, no sport anywhere on the planet, than the Iditarod. It's a dog race across the toughest terrain, in the toughest weather, over the longest distance (over a 1,000 miles), involving you - guy or girl - a sled - and a pack of dogs. You don't really 'watch' the Iditarod. Once they leave the starting line behind their dogs pulling the sleds, the mushers disappear for a week - into the wilderness. But watching them leave from downtown Anchorage is an adventure in itself. These athletes are as tough as they come and they have dogs that they love (they're love of dogs is breathtaking in itself). It's a great race in another way too: it combines the will of man with the will of his animals, at the mercy of the worst weather that nature has to offer. It's absolutely remarkable to see and try to understand the dynamics of what is going on, how they got here, the years of preparation and training.

So we sent off the mushers (about 60 of them) on the first Saturday in March. And waited for the results a week later (from Anchorage to Nome, best time wins).

Meanwhile, we went hunting for Eagles. Well, not hunting really, we wanted to catch a glimpse of eagles - somewhere - anywhere - in Alaska (no intentions to kill anything :). And we found them on a place called the 'spit' in Homer, Alaska. I think you only go to Homer if you're running from something - or to something. It's out there, its quiet and its cold. And beautiful.

That's when it got emotional. You know, some things you see are just fabulous, remarkable, stunning. (other things, you wish you had never seen, like a fat chick in a speedo or the plumber bent over to fix your leaking sink - you know what I mean?). All my life I had heard about the Bald Eagle, and how rare it would be to ever see one - and there they were - on parade for me. Flying over me, landing near me, looking for food, and enjoying the cold Alaska wind and snow gliding over their wings. We were all speechless and snapping pictures as fast as we could, thinking it would surly end any second. Like trying to take a picture of a shooting star or a mid-air catch at a football game, we clicked our cameras aimlessly and wrechlessly. And of course I wish I had taken more and had a better quality camera.

So I'm standing there, by a dock, on the 'spit' (not sure why they call it that - you can look it up), and there are 30-40 Bald Eagles flying around me. I could reach out and touch them. It was surreal.

Life is about those moments. Those times you can't explain in normal terms. You can't just say in a conversation, "hey, I went to Homer and saw Bald Eagles - lots of them - it was beautiful - have you ever seen them?" No, I've rarely brought that one up, its not worth it. It's too hard and unjust to even talk about - you can try, but its impossible to convey the feeling. But you want to do it again - just for you - see it again, experience it again, live that feeling again. It's not really important that anyone else 'gets it'.

If you've never had a moment like that - look for them now. It might be a sunset that only you see - only you can see that particularly reddish orange streak - just there on the left side, with the midnight blue sky peaking through. Maybe it's a horse standing in a pasture in the early morning, and the fog of his breath visible, he looks over at you - only you - and you make eye contact. Maybe it's a lonely little boy in a stroller, a tear in his eye, who needs a silent smile from you, at that moment, to give him hope, that someone cares.

Make yourself see it tomorrow. Everyday. See the miracles that God lays out in front of you. Act like the endangered species that you are. We can become like those eagles - when we act like eagles - aware, clear vision, looking and soaring, brave, fearless. Keep looking for those incredible moments.

Keep Moving

Ever thought of quitting? Like this street sign I found in Budapest: sometimes you're just not sure what to do next. Nothing makes sense or you get confused and tired - but you've got to keep walking - moving. I read another guys thoughts this week about 'quitting', and it's something I've been thinking about alot - quitting. Got me to thinking: I'm ready to quit!. Just throw in the towel - let it all go. I say this to myself, oh, maybe 2-3 times a day (not proud of it - but I think we all do - right?).

Then, I see a squirrel, it distracts me, and I don't quit.

I just need to be distracted, to focus on something else. My phone rings, I get an email - I return the email. Someone texts me. I get hungry and stop for a burger. I was gonna quit today, but I came over here to 'Ringos' pub for a cold tea, now I've decided not to quit - it's Friday - why quit now? - the weekend just started.

I'm not just talking about the job - it could be anything, or everything. Don't do it. Don't quit. Granted, there is a time and place for almost everything. But in general, when you're about to quit - just don't. It may be the hardest thing you've ever done, to keep going. But keep going, keep moving - even if it feels like you're in reverse - stay in motion - keep moving. It's hard for the enemy to hit a moving target.

One of my favorite stories is that of David and Goliath. This really happened. David was young, and had to feel like he had over committed on his last brag, that he would take-on the brute called Goliath. He HAD to feel like quitting at some point in the episode - didn't he? But here's what he does, the verse says: 'as Goliath moved closer to attack, David quickly ran out to meet him.'

Niiiiiiccce. He not only doesn't quit - he runs TO the enemy. Mono e mono. Just me and you. Let's do this thing. Then, he became King. And we're still talking about him some 3,000 years later.

Be someone people will talk about for a long time. Be someone who runs AT the enemy - not from him or it. Solve the problem. Don't let it discourage you. Ask for help if you need it. Get good advice from good people. Be an overcomer, be a conqueror, be a warrior (with grace).

So - Don't Quit! Hang in there. Keep moving. Read the signs if you can, if not, just keep moving to the next sign. No matter what the deal is, our characters are improved and transformed when we don't quit.

Dagen ----> India

Dagen's in India - right now. His second trip to the city of Bangalore. Last summer he went to Thailand, the summer before that was India, and the summer before that was the UK and Tanzania.

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He's not on a vacation - he's on a mission. His church in Waco, Texas, called the "Antioch Community Church", sends out short-term teams to places all over the world - places I don't want to go. And he loves it. He's bold and crazy - about Jesus - and telling anyone he can hunt down about the savior of the world, is his passion. Particularly: Muslims, Hindi's, and Buddhists.

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Me? I worry myself to death. And, sit on my butt doing relatively nothing at all - and still complaining that it's just all too painful and difficult.

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So help me! Pray for Dagen, my only son. And, let's all get out there and do something for a change ......